Dealing with a loved one’s possessions can be one of the hardest things to cope with after a bereavement.

Decluttering a house can be a challenge at the best of times, but when it’s got the added emotion of having to deal with personal belongings that can stir up grief, it’s much harder. But dealing with a loved one’s possessions is both difficult and comforting.

It’s a tangle, but actually part of the healing process too.

You don’t want to lose the connection to a loved one, but if you lived with them, the sight of that toothbrush, or those magazines can be a painful and constant reminder of what’s happened.

It can be especially tough if you lived with the person. You can’t simply go home and come back another day when you’re feeling more up to it. People have prepaid funeral plans and life insurance to help deal with matters after their death, but other things, like what to do with their personal possessions or their ashes, can be forgotten.

But that leads to an important point. There is no timeline for these things, only the one that’s right for you. If someone urges you that it should be done as quickly as possible, then don’t be pressured into doing anything until you are ready. It’s also worth remembering that removing belongings to help cover grief is unhealthy and really won’t work.

First Steps

One of the first things is to decide when you set out to tackle dealing with a loved one’s possessions is to decide whether you will get help from other people. Some people choose to start with their own belongings first – it can help get you in the right frame of mind.

If you’re not ready and you start to remove items you may find yourself feeling guilty and regretful later on. So take your time.

Also have any family members look through the belongings too before you throw anything out. The different belongings will have different sentimental value to different family members. It also means you’re spared making the emotional decision and it may prevent any problems arising later on.

Sorting Through a Loved One’s Possessions

Sorting through a loved one’s possessions is something you should in a way that you are comfortable with. It could be years if you choose. Whenever it gets overwhelming, take a step back until you are ready. It could be the next day, next week, next month or next year.

If you have to sort through a loved one’s possessions to allow for a house sale you’ll definitely find it easier if you make a plan. It will give you more time to remove things in a way that’s comfortable without worrying about potential viewings.

It’s not a good idea to start with photos or personal letters. Not only will you find it hard but you could easily get caught up in the memories and your clearing sessions could become more difficult. Put them in a box and come back to them.

Start with a single room at a time and try breaking the contents into categories. For example:

  • Items to keep
  • Items to dispose of
  • Those for charity
  • Those for sale

You could easily assign importance to everything your loved one owned but you can try other things to keep the memory alive. You could take a photograph of an item to keep as a memory.

To make giving things to charity easier, you can pick a charity that was close to the heart of your loved one. And when you take the items, make sure you have a supportive friend with you. You could also ask for help in removing less personal everyday items such as toiletries, if it’s hard.

Final Thoughts

Preparing to remove a loved one’s items is hard, but it is also a part of the healing process. Dealing with grief is about moving forward in a healthy way, not removing the person from your present and future.

Pace yourself and do whatever you want, whenever you want. You should never make decisions when you’re in an emotional state, you may come to regret it. And when you are ready it can feel like a weight has been lifted. While it may seem all about emotions, sorting through a loved one’s possessions is a practical way of coming to terms with your grief too.