Most of us believe that the harder we work the more we receive. What do we receive? More money, security, social status. What about happiness?
In my life, I spent a lot of time achieving more by doing even more. One university degree was not enough, I got several of them and later a Ph.D. Speaking one language was not enough, I learned many additional ones. Working full-time was not enough, I founded my own startup.
Doing more became a never-ending story. Several years ago I decided to take a new job and to do only that job. I was quite excited and persuaded that I will be doing less.
That was an illusion. Inside the job I was over-performing, going the extra mile. Apart from my technical job responsibilities, I turned to become a personal coach, listener, mentor, life advisor, and leadership builder. This required me to control my emotions and to show vulnerability and build trust.
This was too much. I was doing too much again. Things stopped working.
I had the feeling to endanger other colleague’s interests and career goals. I was cursed for being too good, too nice. It hurt when doing more and receiving less. Feelings of deception, anger, fear became my daily companion.
Those feelings consumed me from within as I started making bad decisions, displaying inappropriate behaviors, becoming a shadow of myself. This crazy ride went on like a never-ending story.
Luckily, soon enough, I realized that it was all about my thoughts. There was me on one side and my dark thoughts and negative emotions on the other side. I decided to become more aware of my thoughts and emotions while trying not to control them.