Parenting may be difficult, especially when there is uncertainty in the house as a result of an upcoming separation and probable divorce.

Trusted Mediators Slough are here to help.

National Children’s Day occurs on May 15 this year. The purpose of this day is to promote a healthy childhood and the need to safeguard the rights and liberties of children and adolescents. In support of this important initiative, we would like to provide you with some tips on how to assist your children cope with separation. We also discuss the advantages that the new no-fault divorce legislation will provide to families.

You and your partner have determined that the relationship is irretrievably shattered. What then?

Every child reacts differently to separation. Their behaviour may depend on their age and whether or not the news of your divorce will come as a surprise to them, or if they were aware that your relationship with your spouse is strained.

We recommend that you and your spouse first speak to all of your children at the same time, bearing in mind that conversations must be age-appropriate.

Plan your first talk carefully so that you can send a consistent message, and be conscious of your body language, since toddlers are quick to detect negativity. They may also replicate your behaviour, so maintain your composure.

There is nothing worse than watching your child in misery, yet it is beneficial to provide an environment where they may express their feelings. Assure them that experiencing sadness, anger, or distress is natural and acceptable.

Here are some suggestions if you are unsure about what to say:

  • Inform them that you and your partner continue to love them deeply, but that your emotions for each other have changed.
  • Acknowledge that the circumstance is difficult for them as well
  • Clarify that they are in no way to blame
  • Inform them that although circumstances will change, you will continue to be a family and will continue to play vital roles in their lives.
  • Guarantee that things will eventually improve

Naturally, you will worry for your children, but one approach to lessen this concern is to give them time to express their emotions and to listen to them attentively. Thus, you may act properly rather than guessing what is occurring. This will also increase the children’s sense of importance and emphasise that you remain emotionally available to them.

Adapting to shared parenting

After separation, your function will change. With parental, social, and economical changes, everyone will have to adjust to new habits and living situations.

Clearly and often communicating with your ex-spouse is essential for ensuring that each party understands their duties and for developing a pattern that will assist children adjust quickly.

At this time, it may be prudent to seek the assistance of a mediator who may help you examine topics you may not have considered. Additionally, they will foster productive dialogues to assist you in planning the practical aspects of co-parenting. This may involve assisting you in agreeing to certain regulations at both residences and organising special occasions such as birthdays and Christmas. It is possible to learn more about mediation.

Ensure that schools, nurseries, and groups are aware of what is occurring at home so they can monitor and address any mood or behavioural issues.

Making choices with and for your children

Knowing how and when to include your children in planning their future is one of the most difficult elements of parenting through a divorce.

Although it is crucial to allow youngsters to express their thoughts and worries, only adults can make some decisions. You must avoid overburdening your children with responsibilities.

We have described some of the most important considerations you must make in order to determine where to create boundaries.

Possible choices to make with your children:

  • New pastimes/hobbies to distract them from their separation
  • Selecting new attire if your new beginning entails a more mature or fashionable look
  • How they would like their bedroom or personal space to be arranged and furnished if they will be spending time in a new residence in addition to the family home.
  • Acquiring a new pet to give them something to care for and focus on
  • A vacation destination where you can all unwind and have a wonderful time

Choices you could make on your children’s behalf:

  • Living arrangements
  • What institution they attend
  • The allocation of time between parents
  • Where they will celebrate the holidays, birthdays, and other memorable occasions. Avoid giving children the chance to choose, as that is like to asking them to choose their favourite parent.
  • Any potentially difficult or highly emotional decisions in which you must safeguard your child’s mental health

Depending on the child’s age and your parenting style, you can discuss the following decisions with them:

  • House rules such as the acceptable amount of screen time and bedtime
  • Frequency of unhealthy foods and snacks
  • Incentives for housekeeping

How no-fault divorce benefits children as well

Children have a considerably easier time adjusting to their parents’ separation if the arrangement is amicable.

Under the new divorce regulations, neither partner is required to assign blame, but in the past, even amicable spouses were required to name a cause for the divorce.

This resulted in unneeded animosity from the beginning of the process, and the detrimental impact on children was significant. We are happy that divorce legislation has been revised to more accurately reflect the reasons why modern marriages fail.

It is essential to care for oneself.

Accepting that it may take a while for things to settle down may alleviate some of the stress associated with the separation process. Rather than a single event, think of it as a trip on a long, new route.

If you need assistance, don’t be hesitant to ask for it; the more supported you feel, the more you will be able to support your children. We can assist with legal matters and inform you of your rights. Additionally, consulting a therapist or coach may help you feel more optimistic and in control of your emotions.