“I can’t get a date, etc. And yet I probably did 40 direct cold approaches this summer. It only led to one lay. I even cold approached a topless woman at the beach. That is ballsy. And yet, pretty much no interest from any of these women. I even had one woman end up talking to me for an hour, tell me that my confidence was refreshing, and still not even go out with me once.
You’re saying I need to get them to say they like me ASAP? I definitely haven’t been doing that. That sounds a lot like approval seeking. I’m sure you don’t mean it to, and I’m sure it’s different in your mind. But tell us, what’s the difference? “I like you, do you like me?” sounds like giving her your approval and then seeking hers.”
This is EXACTLY why I tell guys to establish the sexual attraction within the first five minutes of conversation. I have a question for the author of that comment: how did you feel knowing that you spent an HOUR talking to a woman, and not have her follow through? You felt like you wasted your time, I’m willing to bet. That’s an hour that you could have spent talking to a woman that was actually sexually attracted to you.
Women will judge you within the first thirty seconds. They know whether or not they just want you to leave, they see you as just a friend, or if they are sexually attracted to you. A few minutes is more than enough time for her to figure out whether she is sexually attracted to you or not. And being confident =/= being sexual. You have to sexualize the situation if you expect sexual results.
It works out for both of you when you establish the sexual attraction within five minutes. If she’s not sexually attracted to you, then you leave. You don’t waste her time, and she doesn’t waste yours. If she is sexually attracted to you, then there is no guess work. As long as you don’t do anything weird to turn her off, she’s more than likely going to be willing to go out with you. However, my guess is that most men can’t take that blow to their egos, knowing that a woman is not sexually into him. They’d rather avoid it and either trick her into having sex, hope for a pity fuck, or for some odd reason, the stars are aligned and the girl actually does like him.
Everything I write about is based on actual field experience; I am not one of those theoretical gamers. I test out everything before I go giving advice about it. If she isn’t sexually attracted to you, then you know that something is either wrong with your confidence, or the way you present yourself (i.e. there is no physical attraction and you need to get your grooming and/or the way you dress in order). And I’m assuming that you aren’t approaching women with something too risky, such as “I want to fuck you.” (It takes a ton of experience to get to that point of knowing when you can get away with saying something like that.).
As for what the poster says about approval seeking, he’s looking too deeply into it. It’s one little question, and the payoff far outweighs the possible consequences. If a girl likes you, then one little comment like that isn’t going to turn her off or change what she thinks about you. It’s not any different than when a guy tells her that she is beautiful once or twice. If you keep doing either repeatedly, especially over a short period of time, THEN it becomes approval seeking.
If anything, women are going to be turned on by your directness and getting straight to the point. She knows that you are taking a risk and putting your ego on the line. Right then and there, that signals to her that you are confident and are willing to take risks.