At one time or another, we have all been through something traumatic. Whether it was a one-time event or something that repeatedly happened over time, unresolved trauma can harm our lives.
Our relationships with others are often one of the most affected areas. Unresolved trauma can lead to difficulties in trusting others, maintaining healthy boundaries, and more.
In this article, we will explore unresolved trauma and relationships as well as some steps (including ayahuasca retreats) on how to deal with it.
What is unresolved trauma?
Unresolved trauma is defined as “trauma that has not been processed or integrated by the individual who experienced it.” In other words, it’s trauma that hasn’t been dealt with in a healthy way.
There are many reasons why unresolved trauma can occur. Maybe you weren’t able to process the trauma at the time it happened. Or, you may have tried to bury the memories of what happened in an attempt to forget about it.
Unresolved trauma can also occur when we don’t have a supportive network to help us through tough times. This can be especially true for those who have experienced childhood trauma or abuse.
How unresolved trauma can manifest in different ways.
Unresolved trauma can present itself in various ways. Some common signs and symptoms include the following:
Flashbacks:
You may experience flashbacks, which are vivid memories of the trauma that feel like you’re reliving the event. Flashbacks can be triggered by anything that reminds you of the original trauma.
Intrusive thoughts:
Memories of the trauma may come back to you unexpectedly and feel very real. You may also have nightmares or flashbacks. These intrusive thoughts can be very distressing and make it difficult to focus on anything else.
Hyperarousal:
You may find yourself feeling on edge or easily startled. This is your body’s natural way of trying to protect you from danger. Hyperarousal can manifest as difficulty sleeping, irritability, and being easily startled.
Numbing:
In an attempt to protect yourself from further pain, you may find yourself numbing your emotions. This can manifest as drinking excessively, using drugs, or engaging in other risky behaviors.
The impact of unresolved trauma on the individual
When someone has unresolved trauma, it can have a ripple effect on every area of their life. Here are some of the ways unresolved trauma can impact the individual:
Physical health:
Unresolved trauma can lead to physical health problems such as chronic pain, headaches, gastrointestinal problems, and more. This happens because unresolved trauma can lead to chronic stress, which can take a toll on the body.
Mental health:
Unresolved trauma is also linked to mental health problems such as anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). This is because unresolved trauma can cause long-term changes in the brain that impact mental health.
For example, unresolved trauma can lead to changes in the part of the brain that controls our fight-or-flight response. This can make us more prone to anxiety and panic attacks.
Moreover, unresolved trauma can lead to changes in the part of the brain that regulates our mood. This can make us more susceptible to depression.
The impact of unresolved trauma on relationships
1. Communication problems
All relationships involve communication, and unresolved trauma can make this difficult. For example, someone with unresolved trauma may find it hard to trust others or be open about their emotions. This can make it difficult to form close relationships.
While the person with unresolved trauma may not be aware of the reason for their communication problems, it can still cause tension and conflict in relationships.
2. Difficulty regulating emotions
Unresolved trauma can also make it difficult to regulate emotions. This means that the person with unresolved trauma may have outbursts of anger or sadness. They may also find it hard to control their emotions in general.
This can be a problem in relationships because it can lead to arguments and conflict. It can also make the person with unresolved trauma seem unpredictable or unstable.
3. Difficulty maintaining boundaries
Boundaries in a relationship are important in order to maintain a healthy relationship. However, unresolved trauma can make it difficult to establish and maintain boundaries.
This is because unresolved trauma can lead to trust issues and difficulty communicating.
When boundaries are not respected, it can lead to conflict and emotional pain. It can also make the person with unresolved trauma feel like they are not in control of their own life.
A good example of this is if someone with unresolved trauma feels like they are constantly being taken advantage of or exploited.
4. Difficulty with intimacy
Unresolved trauma can also make it difficult to be intimate with others, both physically and emotionally. This is especially true if the unresolved trauma is related to sexual abuse or assault.
However, even if the unresolved trauma is not related to sex, it can still make intimacy difficult. This is because unresolved trauma can lead to trust issues and difficulty communicating.
5. Reactivity
Reactivity is when someone overreacts to a situation that is not actually threatening. This can be a problem in relationships because it can lead to arguments and conflict. It can also make the person with unresolved trauma seem unpredictable or unstable.
For example, someone with unresolved trauma may become angry or defensive when their partner tries to talk to them about their problems. Or, they may overreact to a situation that is not actually threatening.
Reactivity is often a result of unresolved trauma because the person has not learned how to cope with their emotions in a healthy way. When they are faced with a trigger, they may react in an unhealthy way.
6. Difficulty trusting others
Healthy relationships are built on trust. However, unresolved trauma can make it difficult to trust others. This is because unresolved trauma can lead to changes in the brain that impact the way we process information.
For example, someone with unresolved trauma may have a hard time trusting people even if they have no reason to distrust them. Or, they may be quick to judge people and assume the worst of them.
The root cause of this distrust is often unresolved trauma. When we don’t trust our own judgment, it’s hard to trust others.
7. Fear of abandonment
Sometimes, relationships don’t work out, and that’s okay. However, unresolved trauma can make it difficult to cope with the end of a relationship. This is because unresolved trauma can lead to a fear of abandonment.
When we have unresolved trauma, we may develop a fear of abandonment that is disproportionate to the actual risk of being abandoned.
For example, someone with unresolved trauma may fear that their partner will leave them even if their partner has never given them any reason to believe that they will do so. This fear can lead to a lot of anxiety and stress in a relationship.
Steps to take if you think unresolved trauma is affecting your relationship
1. Seek professional help.
If you’re struggling to deal with unresolved trauma, it’s important to seek professional help. A therapist can help you work through your trauma and learn healthy ways to cope with it.
There are even holistic therapies like ayahuasca retreat Mexico that can help you heal on a physical, emotional, and spiritual level.
Related: What is Ayahuasca? Everything You Need to Know
2. Be honest with your partner.
If unresolved trauma is affecting your relationship, be honest with your partner about it. This will help them understand what you’re dealing with and how they can support you. It’s also important to communicate your needs and boundaries to your partner.
3. Take care of yourself.
It’s important to take care of yourself both physically and emotionally. This means eating a healthy diet, getting enough exercise, and getting enough sleep.
It also means taking time for yourself, doing things that make you happy, and spending time with people who support you.
Conclusion
Unresolved trauma and relationships have a complex connection. If you think unresolved trauma is negatively affecting your relationship, seek professional help. There are plenty of ways to get help, and you don’t have to go through it alone.
