I’m not a fan of cancel culture as any of my regular readers can attest. I think it’s an immature and childish response to complex problems… but I do also love jumping on a bandwagon.
I’m not convinced complicated societal issues can be resolved with poorly organised boycotting fuelled by angry social media mobs. However, simple problems can be overcome with enough collective effort.
So, in no particular order, here are five people I want cancelled.
Grunty men at my gym
There’s a man who uses the same gym as me. I call him ‘The Beast’. He lifts weights the size of the average car and goes hard for about three hours. If the Earth comes under threat from a hitherto unknown galactic predator, I will stand behind him. I might even hold his coat.
Every time he lifts dumbbells the size of a chubby seven-year-old he grunts. He sounds like an elderly lord on Game of Thrones. One of the filthy ones that do dissatisfying sex with naked gymnasts. His repetitive grunting has no build, it doesn’t go anywhere. It’s half an hour of perpetual rhythmic effort with no payoff.
Gym grunters you’re cancelled.
Unprepared people in queues
Certain aspects of human life are quite predictable. If you’re looking to buy something and you’ve stood in a queue, once you get to the front of the queue you’re likely to be asked for some money.
Similarly, if you’re moving around London and heading towards a gate where you have to ‘tap in’ or ‘tap out’ you should be aware this was a requirement of travel. If you’ve been in a queue what is at the end of the queue should not come as a complete surprise.
If it does and you start patting your pockets and looking for your wallet, payment card or anything that you predictably needed? I reserve the right to punch you in the back of the head, climb over your unconscious body and crack on with my day.
https://www.netaworld.org/network/members/profile?UserKey=e8bb36c3-d09b-4355-8a7a-b671c055f69b
https://www.netaworld.org/network/members/profile?UserKey=1dce8f31-ae15-40de-bc8f-83258654ffcc
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https://issues.apache.org/jira/browse/AAR-5169
https://issues.apache.org/jira/browse/AAR-5170
https://issues.apache.org/jira/browse/AAR-5171
The world needs to evolve a solution to dithering. Unprepared people, you’re cancelled.
People who do backstroke
Doing backstroke is the equivalent of driving your car with a blindfold on. These idiots weave up and down my local pool like drunken water moths. I see the point of backstroke. If I was drowning in the ocean then backstroke would be my swimming style of choice.
It’s mostly floating. You’re not fooling anyone.
But in a public pool with limited space? You people are a kinesthetic liability. Flappy human-shaped torpedoes with no regard for common decency.
The idea of swimming is that you glide effortlessly through the water, sleek and quick. Creating splashes means that you’re losing far too much energy with your technique. So if you’re the sort of person whose backstroke could be mistaken for a shark’s feeding frenzy. Get out.
No. Really. Get out. Backstroke splashers, you’re cancelled.
Parents who can’t control their children
If you have chosen to have crotch fruit, this is your problem. When they become my problem then we have two choices. Either you can discipline them or I can. You might enjoy a laissez-faire approach to their behaviour which views everything they do as exuberance.
I do not. I’ve got a BSc in Psychology, so I know your child is likely to grow into the sort of person who does backstroke in the pool. This is preventable.
Your children are your responsibility and if your approach to discipline has the same energy and overall feel as Gene Wilder in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory then for the love of God, stay at home. If you do choose to come out into the world and you bring Noah or Emilia with you (they’re often called Noah or Emilia)- then be prepared for glares.
Parents without an adequate discipline strategy — you’re cancelled.
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https://www.autocar.co.uk/users/cuevanahd-ver-operaci%C3%B3n-camar%C3%B3n-2021-pelicula-completa
https://shapshare.com/read-blog/15606
https://te.legra.ph/The-Japanese-Art-of-Making-Boring-Tasks-Better-06-29
https://vocus.cc/article/60db252afd8978000199de0d
